Drunk woman on the bus

Seriously. I get on the bus after bingo, so it's like midnight. The bus is not crowded, maybe 10 people all together. I have no idea how many seats are on a bus, but there are definitely a shitload more than 10.

So this very intoxicated old street woman gets on the bus. At first I thought it may be a man because she's huge. Tall and just generally a big woman. She is wearing men's clothing - big blue work pants, flat non-descript black shoes, a big wool sweater, her hair is shoulder length - I can't really describe it because looking at it made me sad and slightly nauseous. She had a cane that I'm sure was more of a weapon than a medical aid. She was completely shit faced drunk.

The bus is practically empty and she sits next to me, jamming me up against the window. WTF???????? Seriously????????????? I say nothing for fear of being beaten to death with that cane. She looks pretty pissed off.

She says (without looking at me)....Ever been to the Balmoral?

Me: Uh, no, no I don't think so.

Drunk: It's pretty good, cheap, fucking cheap beer. You should go.

Me: hmmmm, thanks, where is it?

The bus stops to pick up a passenger to whom she hollers: Sit the fuck down! Grab a seat! Fuck!

To me she says: It's up on Hastings, I'll show you when we get there. You can come with me and we'll get some fucking cheap beers.

I'm thinking....WTF????????????????????????????????????????????????? Not fucking likely butch. But I say nothing.

She says to everyone on the bus: The fucking Balmoral has cheap beers! It's not expensive at all! Cheap fucking beers! Sit the fuck down! Grab a seat!

I reach in my pocket for my cell phone...ahhh it's there....just in case I have to dial 911 to save my ass. I wonder to myself: do people think I'm with her? Why me? Do I have a sign on my head? I look pretty put together, not a hair out of place, make-up did, dressed nice, I'm even wearing my beautiful faux snake skin beige heels I bought for a special wedding I attended.....WTF???????

She stinks and not just of booze.

I'm snapped out of my silent reverie when she is looking straight at me and she says: So? You wanna go?

Not wanting to piss her off I decide to deflect that question and I say: I've been to the Waldorf!

She snorts: The Waldorf? It's fucking expensive at the Waldorf. Fucking cover charge.

I say: It's on Hastings too.

To everyone in the bus she yells: The fucking Waldorf is expensive! The Balmoral is better. Fucking cheap beers. Fucking shit Waldorf. Waldorf. Waldorf. She's hanging her head and shaking it back and forth like I'm such a fucking moron, who ever goes to the fucking Waldorf?

I say: It was years ago.

Then she just sits there silently. Everyone once in a while she yells out something to the entire bus. Suddenly she yells at the driver (a good 4 stops before Hastings where I imagine she is going to grab me by the hair and drag me to the Balmoral) I'M GETTING OFF! STOP THE BUS! I'M LEAVING BY THE FRONT DOOR SO HOLD ON IT TAKES ME A MINUTE.

Without so much as a backward glance, she raises her considerable bulk off the seat, freeing me from the uncomfortable position I've been forced into and walks off the bus.

OMFG. WTF? SERIOUSLY?